True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
