i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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