Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
