the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
birth control should be required to get into college
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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