he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
