Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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