So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
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