Do you still have your period?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize