I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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