Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize