I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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