I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize