this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
