he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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