margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
She swung at the pinata with crutches
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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