Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
