I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
