There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
he shaved USA in his pubs
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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