It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Randomize
