dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
