I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I wish they made helmets for livers.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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