hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
