Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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