You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
