that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
