I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
