Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
