he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
