Its about making memories worth repressing
drinking out of a sandbucket again
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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