we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
