Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
