It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
