This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize