I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
