So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
50% drunk capacity currently
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
