I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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