saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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