Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
