I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
