I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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