There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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