apparently the secret to your success is patron
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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