You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize