Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
