i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
