I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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