how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Shame - the story of my life.
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