At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
