What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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