so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize