Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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