i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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