Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
is wine microwaveable?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
