I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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