i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Randomize
