That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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