Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
