Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
We were destined to go to rehab together
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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