Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
