u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
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