im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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