I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
His hands were made for my vagina.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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