my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
