the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
