Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I am available for nakedness
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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