Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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