is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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