I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
